How to Stop Being Lonely – 10 Creative Ways to Cope With Loneliness
Do
you feel lonely, with only the internet for company? These tips on how
to stop being lonely will help you cope with loneliness in creative
ways!
Loneliness is really bad for your health.
“Loneliness
is a greater risk for morbidity or mortality than cigarette smoking,”
says Nicholas Epley, Assistant Professor of Behavioral Science at the
University of Chicago. Research shows that loneliness can accelerate
aging, increase blood pressure, and create anxiety.
If you’re lonely because you feel shy and awkward with people (you’re an introvert, perhaps!), read
How to Instantly Connect with Anyone: 96 All-New Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships.
And, here are ten ways to stop being lonely…
How to Stop Being Lonely – 10 Creative Ways to Cope With Loneliness
I’m
happily married, but I often feel alone because I don’t spend enough
time with my family or friends. I’m an introvert, and I cherish my
“alone time” – and yet I wish I had more coffee dates, dinner dates, and
visits with people!
So if you’re lonely and know it’s because of your own habits and lifestyle, you’re not alone.
Meet the three types of loneliness
Life
coach and author Martha Beck describes three types of loneliness: 1)
Separation loneliness, which results from being physically distant from
family and friends; 2) Absolute loneliness, resulting from the belief
that nobody understands – nor do they want to; and 3) Existential
loneliness, “a bedrock fact of the human condition: the hollowness we
feel when we realize no one can help us face the moments when we are
most bereft.”
One of the best ways to stop being lonely is to
figure out which type of loneliness you’re struggling with. For
instance, I’m often existentially lonely but rarely feel separation
loneliness. What about you?
Stop being lonely by reaching out to people
Basic
human contact – such as chatting with the barista in a coffee shop –
can help with separation loneliness. Connecting with kindred spirits or
close friends could ease absolute loneliness. Gardening, music, or any
type of artistic connection may reduce existential loneliness. Different
types of lonely need different tips for overcoming loneliness.
“Anthropomorphize” your loneliness away
Research
shows that giving pets or things (such as plants) human traits offers
powerful psychological and physical benefits. Dr Epley from the
University of Chicago found that the objects don’t even have to be yours
to increase feelings of connectedness. This explains why Tom Hanks’
character in
Cast Away lived for four years on an island with
only a volleyball called Wilson for company. Without Wilson, he probably
wouldn’t have survived with his mental and physical health intact. A
creative way to stop being lonely is to make friends with objects…but
don’t let that become a substitute for real people!
Pet a robotic doggy – or get a real live dog!
Though
Aibo is a three dimensional robotic dog, he wags his tail and responds
when people call. William Banks, professor of geriatric medicine at
Saint Louis University, monitored Aibo and a live dog called Sparky in
elderly nursing homes, then assessed feelings of loneliness and
companionship. “The most surprising thing is that they [Sparky and Aibo]
worked almost equally well in terms of alleviating loneliness and
causing residents to form attachments,” said Banks.
Anything that creates a connection can help stop you from being
lonely. Walking my dog every day helps me overcome loneliness because I
am getting to know my near-and-far neighbors.
Consider getting a dog. I wrote
Should I Get Another Dog? after
I adopted one and had to return her to the shelter. It was awful – but
we adopted another dog and love her so much! She definitely helps
reduced my feelings of loneliness.
Pick a project – it’ll distract you from feeling lonely
Almost
everyone has a list of things they’ve always wanted to do, but they
never have the time. Organize your CDs, go through old photos and put
them in albums, clean out your closet, plant some flowers. Projects like
these may not stop you from feeling lonely, but they can distract you
from your feelings.
That’s why setting and achieving goals is so
important! A sense of purpose and achievement can alleviate feelings of
low self-worth, which sometimes accompanies loneliness.
Push yourself out of your comfort zone
The
adventures in your city range probably range from open mic poetry
nights to wine tastings to Bingo fundraisers. There may be laughter
yoga, volunteer opportunities for special events, museum or art gallery
lectures, or “Teasersize” dance classes. Don’t worry about going alone –
it’s
better if you participate in these activities alone
because you’re more approachable and open to conversations with new
people. Learning how to make conversation with people will help you feel
less awkward.
Are you lonely because you get anxious in new situations? Read
How to Overcome Shyness, Social Anxiety for College Students - maybe it’ll motivate you to go back to school, which will help you cope with loneliness!
Decide if you’re an introvert or an extrovert
People
with introverted personality traits enjoy solitude and socializing with
one or two others (crowds drain them). Introverts may have a more
difficult time making small talk. People with extroverted personality
traits are energized by people – the more, the merrier! If you’re an
introvert struggling with existential loneliness, going to a boisterous
bar or kickboxing class may increase your discomfort. If you’re an
extrovert wrestling with separation loneliness, gardening alone may not
be effective. When you’re figuring out how to stop being lonely,
consider your personality.
Tell someone they have a cool hat
“The
best method to break out of solitary confinement is to seek to
understand others, and help them understand you,” says life coach Martha
Beck. To connect with a new person, compliment them sincerely and ask a
question. “Cool hat. Where’d you get it?” Share information about
yourself, such as your reluctance to wear hats because they make you
look fat. This is a creative tip for loneliness because it forces you to
interact!
Start a lonely hearts club
Okay,
you don’t have to call it that, but if you enjoy walking, baking, or
writing, spread the word. “A friend and I started a book club because we
felt isolated, and we knew people who felt the same. Now we meet
regularly at someone’s home, keeping it casual and inexpensive,” says
Donna, a freelance writer in Australia. Starting a group gives you a
focus and connects you with like-minded people.
Just be lonely (a surprising way to stop being lonely)
Not
all uncomfortable feelings need to be overcome, expressed, or fixed.
Sometimes you’re lonely or sad – and that’s a healthy part of being
human. Simply sitting with negative emotions can be the healthiest thing
to do. After awhile, your lonely feelings will go away.
